Reflections on Allyship

Reflections on how men can be better partners to the women they work with AKA allyship 👇

We recently had our final board meeting at WIN: Women in Innovation to close out 2022. I’ve been on the board for 2+ years and the #1 question I’m asked is, "Why did you join a women’s group?"

For those unfamiliar, WIN: Women in Innovation is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that represents over 4,000 women championing innovation. 

The board includes some of the most accomplished entrepreneurs and executives across professional services, finance, and media and entertainment. 

They are all incredibly talented women who have grown into executive leadership despite the systemic inequalities and biases at play in their careers.

And then there’s me. 

The only man on the board — hence the question.

My response is usually something like, "I applied to join because I knew I could learn something and I thought I could help."

That’s it. It’s that simple.

Did I believe I was the best ally when I applied? No. Had I rationalized my potential involvement based on allyship to date, I probably wouldn’t have even considered the opportunity.

Allyship is meant to challenge you, and for you to grow, you have to embrace the challenge.

If you’re not uncomfortable or questioning your own behavior, you aren’t internalizing the experiences of others.

Do.

The.

Work.

Here are some things I’ve learned* about being an ally to the women I work with.

*Author’s note - meaning I personally had to grow to understand my actions and their impact, begin to reinforce positive behaviors, eliminate my explicit and implicit biases, and challenge myself to act.

Understand That as a Man, You’ve Been Part of the Problem

Have the humility to understand you’ve benefited from the biases, formal structures, and informal norms affecting women — so your allyship will require action, empathy, and discipline.

Don’t Sexualize Your Colleagues, Employees, or Partners

Respect the women around you by having the maturity and discipline to not allow gender norms or attractiveness inform how you engage. Have the bravery to burn relationship capital upholding these standards in the face of “locker room talk.”

Support Women Like You Do Men

Countless men have benefited from 4 words, “He’s a great guy!” This endorsement proxy doesn’t exist for women so we have a responsibility to put women forward and platform them the same way we do other men.

Callout Inappropriate Behavior and Address Unconscious Bias

Like the MTA says, “See something, say something.”

Allyship is a lifelong process, not a place of resolve. For us to become allies, we have to listen, learn, and take action.